[Editor’s note: This proposal for a Statute of Autonomy of Guirilandia was discovered among smashed furniture and overturned bunks in a centrally located youth hostel following the football match between Barcelona FC and Chelsea last March 7, 2006.  El encargado, one Sr. Antonio, couldn’t remember which of his guests might have been responsible for both the damage inflicted to the room and the authorship of the Statute.  He is reported to have shouted, “Es que son todos iguales!”, and to have left it at that.  The authors are still unknown, and quite possibly wandering the streets of Barcelona.]



PROPOSAL FOR A STATUTE OF AUTONOMY OF GUIRILANDIA

PREAMBLE

The nation of Guirilandia has been constructed over the course of the last four decades by means of the active contributions of many traditions and cultures, all of which have found their homeland in Barcelona. Guirilandia has defined a language and a culture, modeled a landscape (Barceloneta, Borne, el Gótic, Raval, Gracia), welcomed other languages and other cultural manifestations, opened itself to intercambios, constructed a system of internet cafes and locutorios, lived by its own laws (The Guiri Rule of Law), and developed a model of inebriated coexistence which strives for the eternal fiesta.

This Statute of Autonomy of Guirilandia follows in the tradition of Let’s Go, Lonely Planet, and their spiritual brethren, which historically have provided a safe and unerring tourist guide for the men and women of Guirilandia.

Since 1961, with the arrival of the first suecas, various attempts have been made to institute self-government. The milestones on this path through history were, among others, the invention of the bikini in 1946 and its subsequent adoption by the first suecas, the ability to mass produce sangría, the creation of false beaches and chiringuitos in Barceloneta, the international attraction generated by the Olympic games of 1992, and more recently the willing promotion by the businessmen of greater Barcelona of so called turismo de borrachera, in which it was established that Guirilandia wished to exercise, then as now, its inalienable right to self-government.

However, over and above this heritage, the driving force behind this Statute is the aspiration, project, and dream of a Guirilandia with no impediments of any nature to the unfettered right to freely ramble the centric neighborhoods and Gracia which make up Guirilandia without the need to adhere to civic ordnance laws which Guiris never willingly adopted.

The wish and right of the citizens of Guirilandia to freely determine their future as a people that has been repeatedly expressed by the planeloads of Guiris with staggering amounts of Euros corresponds to an affirmation of international identity, historically represented by the institution of the Council of 100 Tourists (the first 100 Guiris), upheld as the maximum expression of the historical rights of Guirilandia, which rights this Statute incorporates and brings into the present.

Today, by means of this new Statute, Guirilandia, in its process of national construction, expresses its desire to exist and to continue its progress towards both recognition of its collective identity, and perfection and extension of self-government.

This Statute therefore provides a definition of the institutions of the nation of Guiris and of their relationship with the peoples of Barcelona.

This Statute is conceived as that of Guirilandia and Lloret, since the citizens of Guirilandia and their political institutions recognize Lloret as a national entity in its own right.

By means of this Statute, Guirilandia wishes to progress towards an improved form of fiesta, based on a balance between discos and pubs. This principle guides the actions of the public authorities, which serve both the general interest and the rights of Guiris, including the rights to 24 hour pubs, quality shwarmas at acceptable prices, the right to congregate in Plaza Real, las Ramblas, and Las Ramblas de Raval, free and high quality satellite television and internet in all youth hostels, massage service, donuts, and cold beer year round on the beaches of Barceloneta and Port Olympic, free access to discos that foster intercambio de lenguas, and the creation of wealth through exorbitantly priced cocktails that only Guiris can afford, full and high-quality employment in stable language academies, with a permanent commitment to the fight against disparaging remarks by certain factions of the citizenry of Barcelona, envidia, and civic ordnance campaigns which the Guiris, by their birthright, are immune to.

These rights are exercised in conjunction with individual prerogative to involve oneself in the joint construction of the society one wants to achieve, the organization of which is based on proximity of hostels, bars and discos, all of which make up the institutional system of the Council of 100 Tourists.

Guiri self-government is based, therefore, on these values and objectives, which it develops within Guirilandia and promotes both the Barcelonean and the wider Guiri sphere, and especially on the defense of the plurality of languages and cultures, to which Guirilandia contributes English and its variants - Spanglish, and Catalenglish - its own languages, common to all its citizens, irrespective of their language of origin or regular use.

This is a Statute by Guiris for Guiris. Political freedom achieved as a country should never infringe the individual freedoms of the citizens of Guirilandia, since the only truly free country is the one in which each individual may live and freely express different identities without any hierarchical or dependent relationship between them (with the exception of all pure English speaking Guiris, whose predominance in the aforementioned language gives them, as their natural birthright, a higher place in this hierarchy).

This Statute, therefore, establishes the following:

One - Guirilandia is a nation.

Two - The Council of 100 Tourists established in 1992, will never cease to exist, whether in its own land or in new tourist frontiers, thanks to the tenacity of our people and to the loyalty of its leaders.

Three - Guirilandia, affirming its historical rights, has developed and holds a unique position with respect to its language, culture, civil law, and territorial organization.

Four - Guirilandia is a land rich in territories and peoples, a diversity that has defined and enriched it over the last four decades and that strengthens it for the time to come.

Five - Guirilandia considers Barcelona to be a plurinational city.

Six - Guirilandia coexists in a spirit of fraternity with the peoples of Barcelona and in solidarity with the rest of the world.

Seven - Guiri Rule of Law takes preference over other laws.

Eight - The tourist tradition in Guirilandia has always emphasized the importance of sol y playa, cold beer, knowledge of English, intercambio de lenguas, and today especially, the equality of all Guiris regardless of country of origin.

Nine – Free access to universal systems of internet cafes and locutorios, 24 hour transport, innovative pub crawls, fiestas and siestas shall be decisive for the Guiris.

Ten - Guirilandia, within the framework of its powers,  thereby belongs to the European Union, shares its values and the European model of tourism, and offers its friendship and collaboration to neighboring communities and regions in order to form a Mediterranean Guiri-region that serves to advance common interests (of Guiris).

In order to keep faith with these principles and to exercise the inalienable right of Guirilandia to self-government, the members of the Council of 100 Tourists hereby propose:

[Editor’s note: the Council of 100 Tourists apparently disbanded at this decisive point, and signs of debauchery and extreme agitation were found in the detritus of the destroyed youth hostel: overturned tables, half empty bottles of wine, one cruelly mutilated sombrero, and a few remaining notes which pointed to the now never-to-be-completed Statute for the Autonomy of Guirilandia.  These notes were written hastily in a loopy scrawl, and what is legible proclaimed the national symbol of Guirilandia to be a pitcher of sangria, although there was evidence of a heated dispute over whether to include the bikini and the sombrero - providing us with a possible motive for the mutilated sombrero.  It should be noted that what appears to be a shredded bikini bottom was also found, minus the top.]